My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
