This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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