now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
