Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
