Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
