I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
