You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
