she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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