Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
