D3 body, D1 cock
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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