everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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