Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
operation harelip BJ is a go
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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