I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
