I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
