I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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