My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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