Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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