I accidentally burped into my bong.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
sarcasm needs its own font
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
