sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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