hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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