The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
