I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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