if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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