if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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