bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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