Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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