Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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