last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
