Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Who wears a wallet chain?!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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