Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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