dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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