in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
A bitchslap is in order.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
