im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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