I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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