she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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