Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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