ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
