I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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