thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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