Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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