My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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