i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I take back everything I said about communal showers
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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