$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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