yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
