I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
