I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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