Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
