I want to make a zoo with you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
