i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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