I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
