Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
