just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
