i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
