fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
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I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
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Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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