Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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