we have officially lost it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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