the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
