God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
