The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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