He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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