Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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