having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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