when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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