Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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