I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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