sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
