pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
