Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
