If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
