i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
