pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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