life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
barbara walters just said penis...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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