So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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