We're facebook friends in real life
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
