I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
