I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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