Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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