We won't sleep together?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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