Umm I'm too high to move.
the condom got lost in my hair
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
